


Umbridge makes Hogwarts read Harry Potter

by Your1Savior2Is3Here4



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-07
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27335665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Your1Savior2Is3Here4/pseuds/Your1Savior2Is3Here4
Summary: Basically the title.
Relationships: Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Petunia Evans Dursley/Vernon Dursley, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Kudos: 8





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER. J K ROWLING DOES

Delores Umbridge had been out to get Harry Potter from the start. It just so happens, one Monday morning, a strange parcel arrived in her office. The message said: _‘If you want to know the truth behind Harry Potter read these books. They will tell you all you need to know. Signed TB.’_

Once reading the message, she called an emergency assembly in the Great Hall.

“I recently received a parcel containing the truth about Harry Potter by someone who goes by ‘TB’. I have called you here today to read these books and reveal the lies he’s been telling us,” said the old toad. Just as she had finished announcing the news, the doors opened. Tonks, Andromeda, Ted, Kingsley, Remus, Mad-eye, Bill, Charlie, Mrs Weasley, Mr Weasley, Amelia Bones, Victor Krum, Fleur Delacour, Oliver Wood, Cornelius Fudge and Percy Weasley entered the hall. They were followed by a scruffy black dog that went by the name Snuffles. Harry knew that he was just Sirius.

Once everyone was sat down, they began.


	2. The Boy Who Lived

_Once everyone was sat down, they began._

**"Harry Potter thinks he is an ordinary boy – until he is rescued by a beetle-eyed giant of a man, enrols at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, learns to play Quidditch and does battle in a deadly duel. The reason... Harry Potter is a Wizard!"** said Dumbledore, he chose to take the first shift.

**Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone.**

**Chapter 1 – The Boy Who Lived.**

**Mr and Mrs Dursley, ... very much.**

"You're welcome, very much," said Fred, George, and Lee in unison.

"What do these Dursleys have anything to do with you?" asked a First Year student Harry didn't recognise.

"I am sure the story will tell us soon enough," he said, he didn't want to ruin the story.

**They were the last people ... hold with such nonsense.**

"That isn't true," Harry muttered to himself.

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted, ... unDursleyish as it was possible to be.**

Harry heard the dog by his feet growling loudly.

**It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar – a cat reading a map.**

Harry saw Professor McGonagall blush slightly.

**For a second, Mr Dursley didn't realise what he had seen – then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight.**

Dumbledore drowned on with the story, Harry had a feeling about what day this was in the story.

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks ... clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

**"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard –"**

**"– yes, their son, Harry –"**

Harry went pale, his suspicions were correct.

Sirius went to comfort Harry around his ankles.

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen in Privet Drive. ... as though it had been broken twice. This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

Dumbledore didn't try to hide his smile when he said this.

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realise that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome ... He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."**

"Harry was the cat?" asked a clueless first year as everyone who knew the truth just giggled.

**"Fancy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."**

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather server-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly like to shape of the markings the cat had around its eyes.**

"Oh," said the student.

**"How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

**"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

The hall started giggling.

**"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitting on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

**"All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."**

**"Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.**

"I mean she's never one to party," said Harry to his friends quietly. Ron giggled in response.

**"A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You-Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he has gone, Dumbledore."**

**"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore.**

"Ha, I knew he wasn't back," said Fudge.

"I said that fourteen years ago, if you just wait until the end of the book,"

**"We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a sherbet lemon?"**

**"A what?"**

**"A sherbet lemon. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of."**

Harry laughed to himself, he knew of Dumbledore's live for sweets.

**"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Godric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumour is that Lily and James Potter are – are – that they're – dead."**

**Dumbledore bowed his head.**

There was a moment of silence. Sirius was wining at Harrys feet, and there was a tear in Remus' and Harry's eyes.

**Professor McGonagall gasped.**

**"Lily and James ... I can't believe it ... I didn't want to believe it ... Oh, Albus ..."**

**Dumbledore reached out and petted her on the shoulder. "I know ... I know ..." he said heavily.**

Dumbledore had a sad voice as he read the chapter.

**"I don't suppose you're doing to tell me _why_ you're here, of all places?"**

**"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

Sirius barked at Dumbledore, but he just ignored him.

**"You don't mean – You _can't_ mean ... all the way up the street, screaming for sweets,**

"Nothing's changed there," Harry muttered to himself.

**Harry Potter come and live here!"**

**"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older, I've written a letter."**

**"A letter?" repeated Professor McGonagall faintly, sitting back down in the wall, "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? These people will never understand him! He'll be famous – a legend – I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter Day in future**

"Is there?" asked a worried Harry.

"No," said McGonagall.

"Thank God," he said.

**– there will be books written about Harry – every child in our world will know his name!"**

"Because that is good good thing," said a sarcastic Harry.

**"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously ... he's ready to take it?"**

**A low rumbling sound had broken the silence around them ... and landed on the road in front of them.**

"I remember this," said Harry.

"Do you?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yeah, who wouldn't?"

**If the motorbike was huge, it was nothing ... holding a bundle of blankets.**

**"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At last. And where did you get the motorbike?"**

**"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorbike as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it me. I've got him, sir."**

Sirius' head lifted out from under the table.

"I didn't know I was your bike." Harry whispered to him.

**"No problems, were there?"**

**"No, sir – house was almost destroyed but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."**

"Ah," went most of the hall as Harry blushed a bright red shade.

**Dumbledore and Professor ... like a bolt of lightning.**

Everyone one stared at Harry's scar.

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned towards the Dursleys' house.**

**"Could I – could I say goodbye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid.**

**He bent his great, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

Padfoot copied the howl until Remus stopped him.

**"Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall. "You'll wake the Muggles!"**

**"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking out a large spotted handkerchief and buried his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it – Lily and James dead – an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles –"**

Dumbledore just carried on.

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive … "To Harry Potter – the boy who lived!"**

Everyone started clapping.

"Do you even remember any of that?" asked Hermione.

"I remember all of it," said Harry.

"I guess this is where all that attention seeking began," sneered Umbridge.

"He was fifteen months old, how can he possible be an attention seeker at that age?" asked an enraged Remus and McGonagall. As they said this, Harry ran out of the hall. 


	3. It's Not Possible

_I guess this is where all that attention seeking began,” sneered Umbridge._

_“He was fifteen months old, how can he possible be an attention seeker at that age?” asked an enraged Remus and McGonagall. As they said this, Harry ran out of the hall._

Harry froze. In front of him were people he thought were dead.

“No, it’s not possible!” he shouted.

“It’s us, Harry. Something happened. We don’t know what, but we remember _that night_ and next thing we know, we wake up in Godric’s Hollow fourteen years later,” said James.

“Prove it. Turn into Prong,” said a disbelieving Harry.

“OK,” said James and he did. A tear left Harry’s eye and he rushed over and gave them a hug.

“Don’t I need to prove myself,” said Lily in mock offence.

“I doubt a Death Eater would impersonate one of two people.”

Suddenly, Remus and Snuffles walked in.

“We heard something happen, is everything alright?” asked Moony.

“Moony! It’s been too long!” said James.

“Prove it’s you,” said a cautious Remus.

“He already has,” said a happy Harry. It was the first time they had seen his this genuinely happy since Sirius had offered him to go live with him. Once they registered this information, Snuffles tackled James and Lily to the ground and started licking them all over their faces.

“Come on. Let’s go finish this horrible book,” said Harry.

“What’s the book about?” asked Lily intrigued, she loved books, she was the Marauders Hermione.

“Me.”

“He only hates it because of that fact. He’s too modest and noble,” said Remus.

“I’m looking forward to this book,” said James.

“I don’t think you will,”

“Why?” asked a worried Lily and James in unison.

“I think it might mention the Dursley’s a bit,” said Harry quietly but loud enough for them to hear.

“Why?” asked an aggravated Lily.

“After _that night_ , Sirius was framed by Peter for being a spy and your secret keeper. When he confronted Peter, Peter faked his death and killed a bunch of muggles, so Sirius was sent to Azkaban. He escaped two years ago. And Remus, well, the Ministry has made some stupid laws that made him unable to be my guardian,” said Harry.

“Let me guess. You went to the Dursley’s.”

“Bingo!”

“Let’s go join everyone else.”

Harry, Remus, and Snuffles walked into the hall first. They went over to Dumbledore and told him the news before allowing Lily and James in.

“It’s not possible,” said Fudge.

“We’re here aren’t we,” said James in his usual Marauder tone.

“Snape,” said an annoyed Lily.

“Lily” said a shocked Snape.

“Minnie!”

“Potter, what a pleasant surprise. You will _never_ call me Minnie again, am I clear?” she asked, she gave him her regular stern glare as he gulped.

“Harry said that you cried over us instead of celebrating with everyone else,” said James.

“Potter Jn., what did you tell your father?”

“Just the basics,” he said with the traditional Potter innocence look on his face.

“Minister, I believe that someone has been wrongly convicted for a crime he did not commit,” alerted Lily.

“And who is this?” asked Madam Bones.

“One of my best friends, Sirius Black.”

“But – but he was your secret keeper.”

“We changed at the last minute. Our real secret keeper was Peter Pettigrew,” once he said this, gasps when around the hall, besides those who knew already.

“Pettigrew’s dead. Black killed him.”

“I wish I killed him. He was who I was after when I escaped. He is an illegal animagus. James, Peter, and I became animagi in our fifth year so we could be with Remy here on a full moon. Although James and I did all the work. When I cornered Peter, he said I betrayed Lily and James, caused the explosion and cut off his toe."

"Arrest him," yelled Fudge.

"I believe that he is telling the truth. Why would the Potters trust someone who got them killed." said Madam Bone.

"What about Pettigrew?"

"Provoke his Order of Merlin and have him arrested," she suggested.

"And what about them being animagi?"

"I think seeing as they were fifteen and were successful, they shouldn't be punished. Also, one died and the other spent twelve years in Azkaban despite being innocent, that is punishment enough," said Amelia.


	4. The Vanishing Glass

_"And what about them being animagi?"_

_"I think seeing as they were fifteen and were successful, they shouldn't be punished. Also, one died and the other spent twelve years in Azkaban despite being innocent, that is punishment enough," said Amelia._

“OK, I am reading this chapter. For a recap for those who have just joined us, it started talking about the Dursley’s and then what happened when Professor Dumbledore and I left Harry with the Dursley’s,” explained McGonagall to Lily and James.

**Nearly ten years have passed since dozens … large pink beach full wearing different coloured bobble hats.**

Everyone (besides the mature adults) started laughing.

“You have a great sense of humour,” said Lily.

“Thanks Mum,” said Harry.

**– but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby … kisses by his mother.**

“Spoilt much,” said McGonagall.

**The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in this house, too**

“Where are you?” asked a concerned James.

“I’m still there.”

**Yet Harry Potter was still there … first noise of the day.**

“That’s horrible,” said Lily, “She used to wake me up like that on her birthday.”

**“Up! Get up! Now!”**

“Is it her birthday?” Lily asked.

“Dudley’s,” said Harry.

**Harry woke with a start. … He had a funny feeling he’d had the same dream before.**

“It twasn’t a dream,” said Sirius trying to sound posh. In response the hall started sniggering.

**His aunt … Harry groaned.**

“I wish I could forget,” muttered Harry but nobody could hear him.

**“What did you say? … that was where he slept.**

“You WHAT?!” screamed Remus and Sirius, James, and Lily.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” asked Ron and Hermione.

“It never came up?”

**When he was dresses … he was very fast.**

“Natural quidditch player,” said a proud James.

**Perhaps it had something to do with …bigger than he was.**

“Did they know that they were getting payed?” asked Lily.

“Probably did,” said Dumbledore ashamed, he shouldn’t have left Harry with them.

**Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright-green eyes.**

“Ahhh” went most of the girls in the hall.

**“In the car crash where your parents died,”**

“CAR CRASH! Car crash kill my best friends!” yelled Remus and Sirius.

“I am pretty sure James can’t even drive and what use would it be for them to drive if they can Floo or Apparate,” said Remus.

“I can drive,” defended James but Lily interrupted him.

“Yeah, on you tenth attempt.”

**_Don’t ask questions_ **

“How are you supposed to learn?” asked most of the Ravenclaws, Hermione, Lily and Remus.

“I wasn’t,” said Harry quietly.

**“Comb your hair,”**

“Not going to work,” sang Remus, Sirius, James, and Lily.

**… all over the place.**

“The Potter hair,” said James.

| 

Umbridge makes Hogwarts read Harry Potter

Set during Order of the Phoenix  
  
---  
  
“Drove Dorea mad,” said Sirius.

**Harry was frying eggs by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Vernon.**

“Poor him,” Lily had met Vernon when her parent forced Petunia to invite Lily to her wedding.

**He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head.**

“He’s hideous,” said the immatures.

**Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel**

“She needs to get her eyes checked,” said Ron and the twins.

**\-- Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

The hall started laughing.

**Harry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell.**

“What? Didn’t get what he wanted?” mocked Sirius.

**"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year."**

“Spoilt,” said Draco. Harry snorted at this, ‘hypocrite’.

**"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mommy and Daddy."**

“Terrible,” said the parents in the room.

**"All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down his bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over. Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all right''**

“She’s encouraging it,” said Mrs Mrs Weasley.

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally, he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty..."**

“He can’t count,” said a horrified Ravenclaw table.

**"Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.**

**"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."**

**Uncle Vernon chuckled. "Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair. At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap the racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR.**

“A what?” said a confused pureblood.

**He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.**

**"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

“Do they know your names?” asked Hermione.

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned.**

“Cats are scary,” said Sirius.

**"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he had to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again.**

“Harry,” scolded Lily, Hermione, and Mrs Weasley.

**"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.**

**"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."**

“It’s very mutual,” said Harry.

“Isn’t she the one you blew up,” said Ron.

“It was an accident,” defended Harry.

“How bad is it that you accidentally blow up your aunt?” asked a worried James.

“You’ll find out in the third book,” said James.

“How old were you?” asked an also worried Lily.

“13.”

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry like this, as though he wasn't there -- or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

“Hate slugs,” muttered James to himself.

**"What about what's-her-name, your friend -- Yvonne?"**

**"On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.**

**"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch what he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer).**

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon.**

“I thought she always looked like,” said an amused Lily.

**"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.**

**"I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but they weren't listening.**

“Even if they were listening, they wouldn’t believe me,” said Harry.

**"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in the car...."**

“He’s not a dog, Tuney,” said Lily.

**"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone...."**

“He’s more important than a car,” growled James.

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying -- it had been years since he'd really cried -- but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

**"Dinky Duddydums, don't cry, Mummy won't let him spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.**

“You needs parenting lesson,” said Lily and Molly.

**"I... don't... want... him... t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp- spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.**

“Fake!” yelled most of the hall.

**Just then, the doorbell rang -- "Oh, good Lord, they're here!" said Aunt Petunia frantically -- and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.**

“Not a very good friend,” muttered Sirius and Remus.

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life. His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.**

**"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy -- any funny business, anything at all -- and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas."**

“Better not have,” growled James and Sirius.

“I got to Hogwarts alright,” reassured Harry.

**"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly…”**

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did.**

“I this why you never tell adults anything,” wondered the teachers.

**The problem was strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.**

“Petunia knew what was happening,” growled Lily and Snape.

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for his bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar." Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses.**

Some of the hall gaged at the image in their heads.

**Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly.**

“You might be a metamorthmagus,” wondered Tonks.

“I don’t know,” said Harry.

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls) -- The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand puppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry. Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.**

“Good,” said Lily.

**On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney.**

“You apparated,” said a surprised James.

“Did I?”

“That’s very powerful magic, Potter,” said Moody.

“Oh,” said Harry.

**The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid- jump.**

“That’s you’re excuse?” asked Ron.

**But today, nothing was going to go wrong. It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room.**

“Be nice,” said Hermione.

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects. This morning, it was motorcycles.**

“You’re very popular Harry,” said the twins.

**"... roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.**

**I had a dream about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."**

“Idiot,” said most of the hall whilst Harry put his head in his hands.

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!"**

“Yes, they do!” yelled Sirius, “I have one.”

“And I brought it for him,” said James.

“And baby Harry rode it whenever Lily wasn’t there,” said Sirius a little too loudly.

“What?” said Lily creepily calmly.

“Nothing,” said James and Sirius innocently.

“YOU TOOK MY BABY ON A FLYING MOTORCYCLE! HE WAS ONE YEARS OLD! ARE YOU INSANE!” yelled Lily.

“Yes,” said Remus.

“DID YOU KNOW?” Lily asked Remus.

“No.”

“Good, at least there was one sane one besides me,” said Lily.

“We know where Harry gets his temper from, now,” said Ron.

“Hey. I don’t have a temper,” said Harry. Those who had been on the receiving ends of one his rants snorted.

**Dudley and Piers sniggered.**

**I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream."**

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon -- they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

“Don’t you dare,” said Lily and Molly.

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop. It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

“apologize,” said Luna, “To the gorilla,” she said to the weird looks.

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him. They ate in the zoo restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first. Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

“You jinxed it,” moaned Ron and Hermione.

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizards and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a trash can -- but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.**

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.**

**"Make it move," he whined at his father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.**

“He was ignoring him,” Harry muttered to Ron and Hermione

**"Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

**"This is boring," Dudley moaned. He shuffled away**

**Harry moved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself – no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house.**

“You shouldn’t compare yourself to a snake,” said Neville.

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were on a level with Harry's.**

**It winked.**

“Did you read that right?” asked Remus.

“It says, ‘ **It winked** ’” said Professor McGonagall, “Mr Potter did you tell them?”

“Not yet,” said an awkward Harry.

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too. The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:**

**"I get that all the time.”**

**"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."**

“You’re parceltongue,” said James. Harry nodded mutely. “Awesome,” said James.

**The snake nodded vigorously.**

**"Where do you come from, anyway?" Harry asked. The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.**

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil.**

**"Was it nice there?"**

**The boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on:**

**This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see -- so you've never been to Brazil?"**

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump.**

**"DUDLEY! MR. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"**

“What is it with rats?” asked Sirius and Ron.

**Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could.**

“Waddling?”, “Is he that fat?” were some of the questions muttered around the hall/

**"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor.**

Loud growls were heard by the DA, Marauders, Lily and teachers besides Umbridge.

**What came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened -- one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.**

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank had vanished.**

“That is very powerful,” said McGonagall and Flitwick.

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, "Brazil, here I come.... Thanksss, amigo."**

“Nice snake,” said Sirius.

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

**"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"**

“Into the unknown,” said Luna. **(And they all start singing Frozen II, but you then realise that this is set in 1996 and Frozen II came out in 2019** **😊)**

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?"**

“Git,” muttered Ron, all the adults didn’t have the heart to tell him off.

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of the house before starting on Harry.**

“He didn’t dare!” yelled James.

**He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go -- cupboard -- stay -- no meals," before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was, and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food.**

“That’s how you can sneak out of the dorm in the middle of the night,” said Ron in realisation.

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead.**

“You shouldn’t remember that” said McGonagall.

**This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from.**

“Because it wasn’t a car crash,” said the twins in unison.

**He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house. When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away,**

“Sorry,” said Remus.

“Even if you did come, the stupid laws wouldn’t allow you to take care of me,” said Harry as he glared at Umbridge.

**but it had never happened; the Dursleys were his only family. Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once**

“Oh Diggle,” said Lily.

**while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day**

“Kingsley,” said McGonagall.

**and then walked away without a word. The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

“They apparated,” said Sirius in an informative tone.

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody knew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

“They liked to, they were just scared,” said Harry.


End file.
